Why is it so hard to love myself?
I don’t mean taking care of myself like getting my hair done or a mani-pedi or a massage. Although, I do think all of that is an important piece of it.
I’m talking about a love of Self. At a Soul-u-lar level.

I love my SO..
I love my dog. I’d probably love YOUR dog.
I have some lifetime friends that I love.
I would never consciously do anything to harm or hurt them.

We can choose to have people in our lives that bring us up as well as those that pull us down.
We can have a job that we love and that is stimulating and satisfying or we can have a job that we loathe-every working minute a misery.
We can live openly, greeting each day with excitement and curiosity about what that day will bring.
Or, we can greet each day, peeking out from under the pillow, feeling guilty, somewhat hungover with a knot of dread in our stomach.
We can surround ourselves in an environment that is a pleasure to our sensibilities and a reflection of our inner beauty.
Or we can hate where we live.

Hating myself? Now that’s easy!
Drinking loads of alcohol was certainly a way to do that. A way to numb myself from my Self.
I’m thinking that any kind of substance abuse, food abuse, relationship abuse, staying in a job we hate-these are all ways of hating ourselves.
Why is hating ourselves more comfortable than loving ourselves? Why is it easier? When did it start-this being okay with not loving ourselves? Who gave us the reason to hate ourselves? Who gave us permission?

Another part of Self love is Honor.
Honoring who we are. Knowing the things that are important to each of us and making sure that we attain them. Finding a way to stay within the integrity of who we are. Expecting the ones closest to us to honor these things. Of course we have to figure out what we would like honored. And I’m not talking about a big applause every time a load of laundry is done! Although I will admit, that acknowledgement is always appreciated and is another form of being honored.

Sober Stella made a comment in one of her posts that struck me.
“Not drinking is a choice, it’s not a punishment.” (soberstellablog)
So why, for so many, does it feel like one? I think it’s because it’s so much easier and normal for us to hate ourselves..
Loving and honoring our Self is a whole new ballgame. Hating ourselves is much easier than loving ourselves because it’s become the “norm”-it’s easier. Don’t even have to think about it!
We hate ourselves because we feel like we don’t deserve Love.
But we do. We all do.

Learning to love ourselves, myself, is part of this healing process.
Learning to accept myself is part of this healing process.
Actually, getting to know myself is one of the first steps.
Learning not to be afraid of myself. Learning to be with myself.
Learning to honor myself and to expect others to do the same.
Reaching for a life without alcohol is the first step in the process of learning to love myself.