I saw something on Facebook the other day- 5 things people regret when dying.

The things they wished in order are:

Courage to stay True to Myself

Not work so Hard

Stayed In Touch with Friends

Courage to express Myself

Let Myself Be Happier

While I’m certainly not negating the ones above the last one, it’s the one about Happiness that I want to address.  I will say, that if a person is able to do the other 4, that will be a greater step towards happiness.

But, “let myself be happier”.  Wow!  This seems so connected to my earlier post about loving ourselves.

Why do we stop ourselves from being happy?  I mean truly happy.  Not the kind of happy you feel for 5 minutes after you get a great deal on something or buy a new car.

I mean pure unbridled Joy.  Joy at life.  Happiness with life.  Overall happiness.

Sustainable happiness.

The kind of happiness that is with us even when things aren’t going well.

Of course one of the things that keeps us from that is-you guessed it!-numbing out with alcohol-or drugs-or food-or even exercise.  Letting anything take over our lives to an excess pushes away everything else.  Our compulsiveness and addictive behaviours keep us from feeling true happiness.  They keep us from experiencing real joy.  

It’s funny (kind of) because after reading this, later that night we watched a movie called “About Time “.   I recommend it.  It did have a message about alcohol use and the effect it has on family-although that was not at all what the movie was about and was really only a very small piece of the movie.  I, being in the situation I’m in, of course was hyper sensitive to that part.  But the main message of the movie was to try and find joy in everything. Everyday. Even when things suck.  It’s a sweet, cute movie.  And, it tapped in, again, about the happiness thing.

I have felt happy at times. Of course I have.  But it’s a struggle on a daily basis.  Much easier to wear that Lucite Shield of Protection that I took up years ago.  The thing is, it gets heavy holding that shield.  It also is a way to distance myself from things. From happiness.

So, here I am determined to try and let myself be happier.  To let myself be okay with being happier.  To be okay with feeling happiness. To allow myself to be happy.  To learn to be happy.  Somewhere along the line I suppose I got the message that it’s not okay to feel happy.  I became more and more closed to letting it in.  Scared to let it in.  And when I did feel happy, why not “enhance” it with some vino?  I see now that the “enhancing”  was in reality drowning it.

I do believe that we are here in this life to learn.  Many lessons.  I also believe that we are meant to be happy.  Maybe that is one of the biggest lessons-at least it seems to be for me.

I deserve happiness!

You deserve happiness!