Self Sabotage and Determination

There’s a lot of football/soccer on right now! The Euros and the Copa America!  They all are played during normal waking hours here in Texas-so if I wanted, I could veg out on like 4-5 games a day!  Trying not to do that though!  Of course I have to watch England!  I’m an England fan because of my SO. But I’m really a Spain fan!  Of course I like to keep up with France and the Italians are always entertaining.  In the Copa America, for the most part, I go for Argentina, but being in the US,   I can’t help but root for the US team-which have made through to the semis!

While watching the US play last night, I noticed several things that I can relate to drinking and getting sober.  For instance, getting cards-both yellow and red.  For those who don’t know- you can get 2 yellow cards in a game, if you get a second yellow, it becomes a red and the player has to leave the pitch and go down in the tunnel.  Can’t even sit on the bench and watch the rest of the game. They also have to miss the next 2 games.  If a foul is bad enough-say a bad tackle that could break an opponents leg or flying in with their studs up high or even cussing out the ref-the player can be given a straight red card with the same consequences.

Now, all of the players know the rules.  Some players are extremely skilled at committing fouls that don’t exactly look like fouls.  Sergio Ramos is a pro at hand balls.  Fellani uses his elbows as weapons.  Others dive, make bad tackles, etc.  Sometimes one of the officials see the foul and don’t call it-bad ref-and other times they hand out cards like it was confetti. However, I liken these players to drinkers that are really good at covering up the extent of their problem.  Sometimes they get caught, and they sit out a bit, but are back in the game doing the same thing until they get caught out again. Over and over and over.

So, last night there were several cards handed out including 2 reds. They were both stupid offenses by each player and they were deserved. One player from each team. Now their team is a man down and the player is disqualifed from the next couple of games.  In my opinion, they’ve let the team down. My first thought-as it is often when I see these stupid fouls-was self sabotage! The player sabotaged himself. And, it made me think about how when we drink and try to quit over and over and over, we are sabotaging ourselves.  Setting ourselves up to lose.  There are 22 players on the pitch. And, most of the time, not all of them get booked.  They play by the rules.  They don’t sabotage themselves or their team.

When we have a problem with additction and we keep backsliding, we are letting our team down.  Our team can be our families, our friends, OURSELVES.  Continuing to drink when we know it’s a problem only sets us up for more guilt, more health issues, more Day Ones.

For mainly this reason, I truly believe that it is really important to get to the deep psychological issues that are responsible for making us behave this way.  For keeping us in this horrible cycle of self flagellation. If a person drinks too much, too often and finds themselves having to apologize for things, going to jail (jail can be in many forms) losing and or hurting loved ones or themselves-this is all self sabotage. Why???  What is it in us that makes us hate ourselves so much as to continuously set ourselves up for more and more discomfort? More jail time?

The other thing about the game last night, was that the US won. They won by sheer determination.  Ecuador (in my opinion) was much more skillfull on the ball than the US.  They had much more finesse.  But, the US was determined. They won on true grit.  And that grit and determination got them a big win.  And to be honest, it’s possible that that same determination could carry them through to the finals-even though they may be playing Argentina-which if you know anything about soccer, the’ve got the skill sets and the finesse.

The other type of player I would like to mention is the one that takes a really hard knock, or splits their head open, or fractures a jaw or a wrist.  They don’t go off-they get treatment and go back into the game, determined to play. To play to win.  This, to me, is like the person, that in spite of many day ones, continues to keep on trying for sobriety. Who continues to give it another shot. Who keeps trying.  Who, somewhere within, is determined to tackle the addiction.

Sheer determination is what it takes to stop the insanity of alcohol abuse.  I can’t buy into the theory that a person with a drinking problem is powerless over alcohol.  While that theory may work for others, it does not work for me.  All that does is to make me feel weaker than ever.  Hate myself more.  My power lies in having the determination to stop.  To being determined even when life wants me to foul.  Determined to stop with the self sabotage.

Being determined means finding whatever tools are needed to win-therapy, blogging, support groups, detox, new friends, changing teams- whatever it takes. 
Being determined means to dig deep no matter how hard or painful it may be.

Because at the end, there’s a loving cup filled with Joy and Freedom and the Knowledge that you have loved yourself enough to live the fullest life possible…Sober.

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4 thoughts on “Self Sabotage and Determination

  1. A little put off by the soccer reference….but only because I have three boys that play soccer and it is on 24/7 in our house ;)! Really, I do love the game. You have such a good point of view and are right on about the self sabotage and the insanity of it, how it affects our “team” and how we have to have determination. It was uplifting to read this as I am determined. I am not giving up and won’t give up no matter how many day 1s I have and no matter what hurt and pain I have to face to be successful! If I wasn’t so mad at my husband, I would share you post with him….he would be delighted that you wrote so well about the game 🙂 Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic analogy ☺ i loved reading this even though I am not a big soccer fan (and I am English too) the antics of some of the players makes me laugh. Good actors when need be!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know nothing about soccer, but still love the analogy (and feel like I learned a thing or two). What I found through my own sabotage, which I was able to sustain for decades, is that I was ambivalent about what team I was playing for. Instead of working hard for the sober team, I would secretly hang out with the drinkers until I switched sides, mid-game. My allegiance was never completely for my own team. Once again, I was not a team player, as you pointed out. I am hoping things are different this time and that I won’t get any red cards. ; )

    Liked by 1 person

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