Boy! I needed that! The vacation/sabbatical that I just gave myself. I think this is actually the most grounded that I’ve felt since I stopped drinking! Except for a few very fleeting moments, it was no problem. I was able to wake up and walk to the east side of the island and watch the sunrise over the ocean every morning. That was followed by at least a 2 hour walk. Plenty of beach time, writing time, thinking time and just “being” time. If at all possible, and you are secure on your sobriety path, I highly recommend a trip alone. Even if it’s a couple of days.
I am now a bit past the 6 1/2 month mark. While I have noticed many things on this journey, there are some things that are really coming through to me.
One of the biggest things that I’ve recently noticed is that my self loathing has significantly declined. For instance, I am probably one of the few that has not lost any weight after I quit drinking. To be honest though, it’s not something that I focused on. I kind of gave myself a pass in that area. Overall, I eat pretty healthy, but, if you read this blog at all, you know that I LOVE ice cream! Also, on my trip, I really let go-potato chips, chips and salsa,Coke, Snickers, fried stuff, and of course, ice cream. And while I am determined to get rid of about 10 pounds, I am not beating myself up over it. Oh, I’m noticing all right! When your underwear starts to feel a little small, that’s a sign! But, the voice in my head is different.
Oftentimes, in the past, I would catch myself saying to myself, “I hate you!” I would automatically try to negate the thought but it popped up a lot! I had so much anger towards myself. I realized the other day, that I haven’t had that thought for awhile and certainly not on any kind of regular, daily basis.
I have also amped up my workout, exercise routine. This hasn’t been hard to do as I gave myself a pass for that as well. For the most part, I worked out the whole time I was drinking except maybe for the last year. And, regularly. Until I didn’t. Probably a combination of the alcohol, depression, fatigue-all brought on by…alcohol. Of course if I had to work early in the day and work lasted til 4 or 5, I definitely couldn’t work out because it was Wine O’Clock! Couldn’t mess up that committment.
Commitment. That’s a word! Yes, I was committed to drinking a bottle-or more- of wine everyday. Or whatever the occasion called or didn’t call for. When does committment cross over to addiction? I don’t know. But that was one committment I honored.
commitment
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the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something
Wonderful! I needed this today on yet another day 1. Thank you.
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Day 1 is a great place to start!
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I have to believe that I can heal myself, that it’s not too late. I’m 53 and have been drinking for over 30 yrs. your story gives me hope that it is never too late.
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It is NEVER too late! Feel free to email me privately anytime you might feel the need! And 53! why you’re still young!!!!
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Thank you
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Me too – I’m 51 and have been drinking for years – but the good news is that you CAN stop and things CAN be different xx Lily 🌷x
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So encouraging to read this, thanks! I’m 56 and still looking forward to being finally free…
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It is definitely freedom!
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Things can get better and be different at ANY age!
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Lovely post. It’s good to hear your thoughts, and to hear you so positive . Lily 🌷x
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Dear Free Falling,
I am so glad you had a wonderful vacation!
And I am super happy you love being sober!
Me too!
I am an ice-cream lover too!
Big time!
xo
Wendy
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To me you are so brave to go off by yourself on a vacation. I never thought I would consider that for me, but I am. Just to rejuvenate at some point. Maybe I’ll be brave and do a language immersion thing. Dunno. I, too, feel free and as if I am resurfacing from swimming under water for years where everything was fuzzy, blurry. It’s like coming into the sunlight and seeing things more clearly. Thanks for sharing about your trip!
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To be honest, it doesn’t feel brave at all! You can always start with baby steps-don’t go on a 6 week backpacking trip to Central America for your first “alone” trip. Go somewhere where you will have a level of comfort and maybe for a short time-to kind of test the waters. And yes! on the freedom!-swimming under water is a good analogy!
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Love this, it is so very inspiring and you sound so free and happy…a bit of serenity is what I see in you and that is wonderful! Keep it up, you are doing great and definitely deserved the vacation!
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