Yep! 365 Days and More

Happy New Year!

I hit day 365 on January 1.  One year with NO alcohol! To be honest, while I’m glad that I’ve done it, I don’t feel particularly ecstatic.  I’ve been trying to think of all the fantastic things that have happened since I quit the booze. Of course there’s the obvious-no hangovers, no mental bullshit all night long, no deals with myself not to drink.  I’ve also saved a ton of money-both at home and when going out.  Actually, last week was my S/O”s birthday and we went out to eat at an upscale seafood/steak place.  He likes it because in his mind, it’s “very Americana”(he’s a Brit). So I made the reservations and requested the section we wanted to be seated in.  We were and had the same great server we’ve had in the past. One of those times I was so drunk, I actually blacked out for a bit during the meal and had to be propped up to leave.  Charming vision isn’t it?  Anyway, when he came to take the drink orders I said I wanted a mocktail in a good glass-kind of fruity and fizzy.  He came back with I don’t know what-but it was in a martini glass and I loved it.  Got another.  When he asked if I wanted a third, I said no!  I had to cut myself off!  He laughed and I said how times have changed!  Being the great server that he is, he just lauged with me.  And you know what? I had a really good time. Yes with my S/O but with the servers and just all the way around.  (Yes, I interact with waitstaff-it kinda freaks out some of my British friends, especially in London at a toney kind of restaurant, but, that’s me. They are people too and we all have a story!)  I felt good about myself, about how I looked and that I could prance in and out with head held high and not boozy.

So, that is another good thing. I haven’t been sleeping great and I’ve not yet experienced the “miracle weight loss”.  But, I do have a kind of clarity that I don’t think I had while I was drinking.  This is a very subtle difference.  I still blow my top off at things and cry at greeting card commercials. Of course I also remind myself that one year of sobriety is not a whole hell of a lot compared to the 40 years of drinking that I did.  Not to diminish going one year without booze.

Is my life better overall?  Yes, I would say it is.  Have I had any huge breakthroughs or specific “Aha” moments?  Not really.  Maybe not yet.  I do have a sense that I am living the way I’m supposed to be living.  How we are all supposed to be living.  With awareness.  Not medicated.  Not dulled out by a substance. To have the realization that this how people live without alcohol or whatever it is.  I don’t really do anything differently than I did while drinking.  Except that everything is done differently because it’s not done in the shadow of booze-wanting it, regretting it, loving it, hating it.  It’s become kind of a non-entity.

This past year, I’ve had a few trips-all booze free.  Although to be honest again, I think going to a place like Hong Kong with only 3 months of sobriety under my belt was a little too much-way too much sensory overload.  But, I did it-I went to Mexico twice and several other places-all places that I have boozed my way through previously. I’m not sure if I had more or less fun sober.  I certainly remember everything and don’t have any drunk regrets.  I’v never once wished that I’d gotten drunk the night before.  That counts for a lot!

So, I guess what I’m trying to say in a very bumbling way is that for me at this point, life is life.  It’s steady. It’s ongoing.  The choice is whether you want to be in a leaky boat that you have to keep bailing out the water constantly or if you want one that can make it through a squall safe, sound and secure and upright at the end of it.

 

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18 thoughts on “Yep! 365 Days and More

  1. That is a great testimony. Very truthful and upfront. I like that you haven’t glossed over it, made out it was some kind of nirvana experience. And no miracle weight loss…..that sucks! I like the thought of living life unmedicated and sober, I like it very much xx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Well, I’ve lost maybe 5 pounds-But! as you may know from reading my blog-I LOVE ice cream! I know if I really cut out all sugar and did more than a half hearted workout regime, it would go-but the good thing is-and the difference is-is that I am more okay with myself. Because I’m not drinking.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are where I want to be! March 31 is my one year anniversary. One thing I have noticed in my sobriety is that you can’t really feel the misery of drinking by just thinking about it. So even though it doesn’t feel like a huge contrast sometimes, that awful desperation of waking up at 3am thirsty, confused, dreading the morning … you know what I mean? It’s like having a horrible flu and wanting to die while you have it, but you can’t bring back that pain through memory (thank God). So even though sometimes living a normal life can be kind of placid, at times, I think a day of being in the throes of a crazy drinking weekend would make me cherish the peace a little more. ; )
    Congratulations!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Congrats on the year! (and plus now as of this writing)

    The idea of living the way we feel we should be living is the big ah-ha, no? At least, that seems to be it for me. I don’t feel inner conflict like I used to. I have no tolerance for the crap I used to pull day in and day out when I was drinking.

    Glad to hear you had a great dinner!

    Cheers,

    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

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