It’s been awhile! Since I’ve posted. No particular reason. Still not drinking-on day six hundred and something. I don’t really check that very often anymore. And, I don’t think about drinking very often. What I do think about is IF I was still drinking. For example, the other night before going to bed I was too lazy to wash my face. So I reached under the sink for some of those facial cleansing wipes. Instead, I picked up a package of glass cleaning wipes. The first thing I thought was how if I had been still drinking, and drunk-because I was always drunk before going to bed, I wouldn’t have noticed that I had the wrong wipes and would have used them. Which of course would have been followed by me having a hissy fit. Huge drama.
So, I’m just “perking along” as a friend of mine would say. Cruising. Oftentimes I wonder how did I continue to do everything I did while living and planning everything around my next glass of wine…I would say that right now, I’m steady. I suppose that there are some changes in me-for instance, I think overall, I’m much calmer. Although I’ll admit, I still have my moments. After all, I just quit drinking- I didn’t have a lobotomy! I don’t know if I look better or if I’ve changed my body shape. Some days I have a lot of energy and some days not so much. I still yell at the TV when watching the news and still have huge issues with the political situation here in the U.S. I’m still a liberal. I’m in a good relationship with my SO and I know that he loves me deeply and I him. I’m blessed with a nice space to live in. Sometimes I feel like I’m running around too much and other times I’m bored. Every once in a while I think, “OH!, So this is what living without alcohol is like!” It’s good, although I can’t say that I have a heightened sense of awareness.
Has my life changed? Well yes! Of course it has. One thing in particular has stood out to me recently. As I’ve mentioned, we’ve moved. To a condo community. And, while I can’t say that I love it yet, I like it. Some things more than others. But overall, it’s a nice space, the grounds are beautiful, I like the area and everyone seems nice. Of course, having a dog, I go on several “walkie” a day-usually a long one in the morning in the adjacent neighborhood and then later in the day, around the property. One of the things I don’t particularly like is the fact that while every unit has a really nice patio area with some yard space, it’s all exposed. Fenced, but with a wrought iron fence. What this means is that I can’t go out in my pajamas and just hang out-I feel it necessary to be more covered up when sitting outside than I would be inside-expecially since it’s still in the high 90″s here. It also means that while I’m out there everyone that walks by sees into my area-which means at times I have to chit chat when I might not feel like it. Of course it also means that I can see into other people’s space and say hi to them while walking by. There’s one neighbor-probably mid 40’s who sits out a lot-she’s got a dog and a really nice backyard space. We always (me and Bentley) stop and say hi. I’ve noticed that once a week, she’s got another friend over and they usually have a bottle or two of wine on the table. She stopped by the other day and mentioned that since it was Wednesday, her friend was coming over-Wine Down Wednesday for them. How her friend had mentioned maybe they should only drink one bottle of wine. Yeah right! And to be honest, I’ve noticed some booze bottles in her recycling. The other evening, I met another neighbor. There’s a little trail at the back of the property, which is wooded and nice. Of course there’s also exposed yards there too. And one is really, really nice. It’s obvious that whoever lives there puts a lot of time, effort and love into it. So, we were walking on the street in the front of the condo and a woman about my age was out there kind of tending to a pot plant. She had a cigarette and a glass of wine in her hand. I stopped and chatted to her for about 10 minutes. Liked her. As I was leaving, she kind of waved her wine glass and said, “My patio’s always opened anytime you want to stop by”. I thanked her and we went on our way. Now here’s the thing, if I’d still been drinking, I would become instant friends with these 2 women. To be honest, I don’t even know if they know each other. I also don’t know if I would even like them. But that wouldn’t matter would it? Because we could be drinking buddies. Now I’m not saying that either one of them have a drinking problem. Who knows? But how many times have you hooked up with someone that you would NEVER have been friends with had you not been drinking? God! I picked some real doozies! All to support my habit! To give me some kind of warped sense of validation. Having endless drunken conversations about someone else’s drama. Never reaching any kind of finality. Just on and on and on. One happy hour after another after another. In this case, because they live here, I’d probably go visit, knock back a bottle of wine and come home and try- Try- to act as if I’d just been for a neighborly visit. when in reality, it would just be an excuse for me to drink more alcohol. Of course when I’d get home, I’d open a bottle of wine as if it was my first glass of the day and go on from there.
HOW THE FUCK DID I LIVE THAT WAY FOR SO LONG?????
And so, that’s the change. The BIG change. Hallelujah!