I’m feeling like I need to check in-for whatever that may be worth to anyone. I suppose it’s mainly for me-to feel connected. In many ways, there’s really not much going on with me..other than being aware of an undercurrent of stress due to the political situation here. I don’t want to harp on it here-but it’s extremely disheartening to witness what is going on in this country-on so many levels. I do my fair share of contacting my representatives-so much so that half the time I’m afraid that they’re gonna come get me! To be honest, as I’m in Texas with 2 of the most vile congressmen, I don’t really know what good it does, but I have to do something..
Which brings me to something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately-CONTROL..I try not to be a control freak, but at times, I am. When I tell my SO he’s doing something wrong, he says, “no, I’m not doing it the way YOU want me to.” Right! As I said, he’s doing it wrong:). Like it really makes a difference if he foams his milk for a Cappucino differently than I do! So, there’s that kind of “controlling”. Another kind shows itself when food is involved. Like when several foodies go out to eat and ordering becomes a HUGE deal. And God help the poor waitperson if they’re not totally versed in their offerings! Shoot, it starts before ordering- just picking the place can be extremely involved. Years ago, when I first moved to a new place and made some new friends, I consciously decided not to be so picky when going out-it was more about the company..
But I’m talking about the BIG kind of control. Like of life. Letting life unfold. This is sometimes hard for me. Well, more than sometimes if I’m honest..And the thing is, that time after time, I can see that by waiting and not controlling, things work out sometimes better than I ever envisioned. I learned this when I was catering. I would tell clients-usually nervous brides-that while timelines are good and important, each event, once started takes on a fluidity of its’own. I sounded SOOO professional.. So on top of it all. But I forget this in my own life on a daily basis.
Control is an illusion. Women-and some men- wear Spanx. You know, those underwear things that squeeze you into something, they are horribly uncomfortable and unless you wear a full Spanx body suit, it just pushes the gush up to the nearest part that’s not covered. Celebrities are famous for wearing these; sometimes wearing several pairs over each other-even the skinny ones do this! I tried wearing some a few times and then decided, “ screw this!”- even going into a bathroom in the middle of a fancy lunch in a very swanky hotel to rip them off and throw them into the bin for sanitary napkins! What a relief that was! And, I was still able to get my pants closed up without them! Of course if this something that really makes you feel better about yourself-go for it. I’ll be honest here- I wear makeup-get my hair colored-Botox at times—makes me feel better about myself..
There are many things that we can and should control- such as the speed we drive at-or our alcohol intake or how much sugar we eat or fat or meat…And there’s help if we need it in controlling some of these things. Usually when we get those things under control, we feel better-sometimes we look better. Being in control and being controlling are two different things. And let’s be honest, there’s a lot in this thing called life that we are just not in control of. A therapist once told me that the most controlling people are the ones that are the most out of control internally. And I can see that. But, for me, it’s so hard to just let things unfold. Immediate gratification, I want.
So, for me, it’s a constant learning to not only give up control, but to roll with the flow. Shit happens. Sometimes it’s unexpectedly good and sometimes not so good. And sometimes, horrific. Life is going to flow and ebb and ebb and flow no matter what frame of mind we’re in. Rigidity it seems like a lot of effort. It also seems like it’s exclusive. Meaning that if we become too rigid, we won’t allow change to occur. We may be keeping out something way better than we ever dreamed of in our central control room.