I was once having a conversation with a friend and he made the comment, “Everyone lies”. I was taken aback and started to argue with him.
But, he’s right. Of course there are various degrees of lying.
For instance, I’ve lied when I’ve told someone they look GREAT! when in fact, they don’t.
Once when I had an early morning event and went to my kitchen to load up for it and found that it had been broken into, glass everywhere and all of my office equipment stolen, I lied to my client when I walked in and said what a GREAT day it was for a party!
I lied when I was a teenager and side swiped some friends of my parents car while blasting out of the driveway to go to a party-said.”Gee, someone must’ve pulled into the driveway to turn around and hit the car!” (I always felt bad about that!)
I’ve lied about something in order to get out of something else. “I’ve got a horrible headache, I won’t be able to make it tonight!”
I’ve lied about my alcohol intake on medical forms (the other day, I was able to truthfully answer that I Don’t Drink!) Thank God they didn’t ask what my previous intake was!
The one thing I haven’t lied about is my age-I have never upped my age to get a Senior price at the movie-that truth will be here soon enough!
But there’s also lying by omission.
I have had a lot of therapy off and on throughout the years. Some in college-it was free with a psychology student-so I took advantage of it.
Then after finding out my ex had been having an affair with someone half my age, IN MY HOUSE!
I was in a therapists office the next day.l
I was in a women’s group that was based on the book, Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood (I highly recommend it!).
And then there was my Jungian therapy.
While I had and made major progress with each of these therapists and learned a lot about myself, I never, ever came clean about my alcohol use. NEVER!
Never brought it up-I thought about bringing it up-but I could never quite bring myself to do it.
So, in my mind, it was lying by omission. I can’t help but wonder with all that I got out of it, how much more I would’ve gotten if I’d been totally honest. But, I see that I wasn’t ready yet.
An acquaintance that is very involved in a 12 Step Program once commented that “All addicts lie!”
Again, at the time, I was kind of shocked. But I see that it’s true.
I’ve certainly lied about how much I’d had to drink-“No, of course I didn’t drink the whole bottle! I used some of it for cooking!”
Or, “I’ve only had a couple of glasses-see there’s over half a bottle left!” When in fact, the OTHER empty bottle that I’d finished was hidden away somewhere.
I’ve certainly lied about not having a hangover-“No, I feel GREAT!” when I felt like shit!
I can see now that some of the most harmful lies I’m guilty of are the ones I told myself.
The lies about my drinking.
The lies by omission.
The lies that came in the form promising myself that I would quit quitting.
The lies that came in the form of ignoring the signs that my drinking was out of control.
I lied to myself EVERY DAY for years!!!
While I can’t promise that I will never, ever lie again-especially if it helps to make someone feel good, it is SUCH A RELIEF to know that I don’t have to tell anymore lies around my alcohol abuse!
One more form of the FREEDOM that comes with sobriety!