Apologies

I haven’t posted for awhile.  No particular reason-although we are down to one computer right now which my SO commandeers most of the time.  So I get on it when he’s away…

As I’ve previously written, I have a love-hate relationship with catering.  Which I’ve done forever.  But, I can’t seem to totally break from it.  For one thing the money’s good when I do it-well for the most part.  And, I pretty much just do things for people that I have been doing events for for years.  So there’s a comfort level there.  Well as much as there can be. Anyway, I did a small dinner party for a longtime client the other night.  I really like them and politically, we’re in total agreement-which I can’t say about most of my ultra wealthy clientele.  So as I was getting things in order, the husband came in to get a glass of white wine for a guest.  He pulled out a bottle from the fridge that was about half empty-he poured some, tasted it asked what I thought-Now this was the kind of wine that I used to LOVE! I said I didn’t drink anymore.  His response? “I’m sorry!” Wow! Then a bit later, his wife came in, poured herself a Scotch and told me if I wanted one or a glass of wine, to help myself.  I told her that I didn’t drink anymore (not that I ever drank at an event while working. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had a glass of wine with these people).  Anyway, her response was the same as her husband’s!  She said, “I’m sorry!”

That blew me away.  These folks are not alcoholics-well not that I know of.  I’ve seen them a bit buzzed at the end of an evening, but have never had the sense that they knock it back on a nightly basis. But then again, what do I know?  I’m not there every night.  As it was getting closer to the guests being seated for the first course, the husband came in to open the wine and decant it so it could breathe.  As he was pouring it into the carafe, he made a statement that the wine cost almost as much as the food!  Let me tell you, for a small seated dinner, I charge ALOT! Well over $150.00 a person (see why I do it?) That’s just for the food-not the service or gratuity.  So this was for 8 guests. Do the math! And I thought I spent a ton on vino!! Crazy!

Don’t you think it’s strange that their response to my saying I don’t drink anymore is that they’re “sorry”?  Jeez! I have such a nice rhythm to my life now.  Yes, occasionally, I wish I could join in for the wine.  But that passes.  I have never woken up the morning after going out the night before and wished that I had partaken of an alcoholic beverage-Of course it wouldn’t have been just one alcoholic beverage.  It would have been several. Or more.  And, I HAVE woken up many times and wished I hadn’t had any alcohol the night before. Yes, I smelled the $800.00 bottle of wine.  Yes, it smelled good.  Was I tempted?  Not at all. I just got on with what I needed to do.  At the end of the evening, I was tired.  But, I got home in time to watch Saturday Night Live-and see this new “regime” we are under here in the US get skewered once again.  Had a Perrier. In the past, I would have opened a bottle of wine to “unwind”.

I know that I’ve written about the freedom that comes when getting sober.  But, I can’t stress enough how great that freedom is.  Yes, I could lose about 8 pounds.  I should work out more. I should cut back on sugar.  I hate the political situation here and am completely stressed and obsessed by it.  Yes, we have some concerns over the Great British Pound going down because of Brexit.  I have fucked up family members.  But I don’t have the ball and chain around me in the shape of a wine bottle on top of everything else. And that my friends, is blissful!

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Downs and Ups

I get BBC News updates on my phone during the night (I keep my phone on silence so that I don’t hear things as come in) If I wake up in the night, I will look at my phone, usually to check the time.  Well, as you might have guessed, when I looked at my phone at 2 am on Friday morning, the news was not good.  Brexit had passed.  My SO had warned me not to wake him up unless the vote was to stay.  But, I must have commented “Oh NO!” Which woke him up asking what?  So, I had to tell him and we got up at 2:00 a.m. to watch Sky News live (thanks to Apple TV).  So, let me say that the weekend did not  start well at all!

It got worse!  I was looking forward all week to the Copa America Final between Chile and Argentina.  And while I like Chile and will say they were on fire this tournament, I’m a Argentia and a die hard Leo Messi fan.  Not only did Argentina lose, the referee was crap-and, Leo Messi missed his penalty kick!  OMG!  I was stunned!  And, even when my side wins, I always hate to see the losers crying after a game-especially one in which they’ve played well and hard.  But seeing Leo Messi crying was horrible.

I woke my SO up again  in the middle of the night with another, “Oh NO!”  He jumped up and asked, “what now!!!!??” (he didn’t get out of his PJs all day on Saturday-unusual to him and a testament as to how upset he was about Brexit) Well, it wasn’t about Brexit-Thank God!  Leo Messi retired from International Football! So, there was that.

Aside from being an Argentina fan, I’m a Spain fan (sorry Brits!)  Spain got knocked out of the Euros on Monday by Italy.

Then England went out of the Euros losing to Iceland!  Jeez!  That’s like the Dallas Cowboys losing to a High School Football team! At least Spain lost to a worthy opponent!  So, kind of a downer the past few days!

Except! I’m going to Mexico today!!!  I am so excited!  I’m going to the island that I lived on for several years.  This is my absolute favorite place in the world.  I don’t know why-it’s not the most beautiful island I’ve ever been on as far as vegetation goes.  It is on the Caribbean-which is my favorite body of water-and I’ve seen lots.  I love this part of Mexico-the Yucatan.  I love speaking Spanish. This is the place that opens up my heart and cleanses my soul.  When I can’t sleep at night, it’s the place that I picture in my mind.  It is the land of the Virgin of Guadalupe-who I have felt a very deep connection to for a very long time.  My SO is not going.  He can’t take the heat.  He doesn’t really resonate with the beach. And with Brexit, he’s wanting to hunker down as far as his spending goes.  I’ve had this trip planned for several weeks and no way was I going to cancel it.  It’s a place where I can do a lot of inward contemplation. For me, swimming in the waters of the Caribbean are cleansing and healing.

But! This is an island full of tourists.  And what do tourists like to do on vacation? DRINK Alcohoic beverages!  There is also a huge local population with drinking issues as well.  It’s tricky living in a place where lots of people do things they wouldn’t normally do on a regular basis in their everyday lives.  I know about that disparity,  having lived there for about 5 years.I was discussing this with my hairdresser-who no longer drinks and who I had a breakdown in front of at my previous appointment.  She asked what my triggers were there?  Well it’s all a trigger! I’ve been going to this island since the mid 80’s moving there in 1994.  Drinnking was always a huge part of the whole package.  Even last year, when I was still drinking and visiting there, I certainly had my share of , well everything from Margaritas to Bloody Caesars, to Beer to Vino and Vodka Sodas. (hope I’m not triggering anything here for anyone).  I can honestly say, that in looking back, I spent a lot of time running to the store for imaginary necessities in order to sneak in more of whatever I felt I needed-beer, another bottle of wine…

So, in a sense, it’s all triggers.  Especially since I’ll be on my own with no one to be accountable to. Well-except YOU!  And, I don’t want to start over.  I really don’t think I will have an issue-or one that I can’t deal with.  At the same time, I will not take that for granted.  I know that it can appear out of nowhere with an overwhelming force. But, I really want to do this sober! To experience it sober.  I’m looking at this as a Spiritual-Spa-do whatever, whenever, however vacation FOR ME!

I’ll keep you updated!

P.S.  Just now as I was writing this post, my neighbor kocked on my door.  He had kindly printed up a picture with Boris Johnson standing in front of the Union Jack and Donald Trump in front of the American Flag.  He titled it “Hair Across the Water”.  It almost made the milk from my cereal curdle in my stomach!  I don’t think I’ll be showing it to my SO!

With love.