100 Days

“If you can improve one percent each day, then guess what?
In 100 Days, you will have improved 100%”
Coach Carter

Wow! I have gone 100 Days without drinking!
I can’t believe it!
I can’t believe that I’ve gone so long and at the same time, I can’t believe that it’s already been 100 days!

I am so grateful and feel so blessed to have arrived at this point.
I also believe that the time had come-well the time had come years ago and I had a lot of false starts and broken promises to myself.  But, I was finally able to take that first step and stick with it.

How do I feel after 100 days? I feel…
GREAT! I have had a transition of energy that is hard to describe. Up until about Day 60, I was bone tired ALL the time. Exhausted. But then, right at the 60th day without alcohol, my energy started to return and to grow. This energy has made me….

Much more productive-I’ve always been a productive person. But, it’s different now. There’s an ease about things that wasn’t there before and my sense of accomplishment is much different. By allowing myself to just “Be”, I am…

So much CALMER! That’s an understatement! Not just when I was drinking, but up until about Day 60, I was a crazed, flying off the handle at nothing-irritable looney tune of a woman!
Anger always simmering just below the surface-ready to blow my top at the smallest thing!
At one point, I was swearing so much I started to wonder if I had developed some form of alcohol abuse related Aspergers!

I sleep better and even when I’m not sleeping well, I’m not experiencing all of the mental anguish that goes along with drinking. And because I’m not drunk when I got to bed…

I am aware of drifting off to sleep-as opposed to just passing out! The first few times I caught myself drifting off, I was surprised and had to tell myself what it was! It was an almost new sensation for me!

Because I am not drinking…
I am not so hard on myself. I am learning to go easy on myself. Learning not just to love myself, but to like myself. To acknowledge my good points and not bash myself with the things that I don’t like. Not hating what I see in the mirror. Excited to greet each day because….

I have a new found curiosity about things! Almost like visiting a new place-wondering how it will be, how my day will be, what I will encounter-because….

I’m not spending almost all of my waking hours thinking about alcohol in one way or another. And, speaking of spending …

I have saved a ton of money! Even inexpensive wine adds up!
All of these things have led me to..

A newfound sense of FREEDOM!
Freedom! No longer confined by the restraints that were imposed on me by my need to drink. Freedom to experience the Joy in living without a ball and chain in the form of a wine bottle!

To be honest, I’m not sure that I even gave 1% everyday. At the beginning it was all I could do to make it through the day, often convinced that I was seriously mentally ill. Scattered. Shattered. Barely hanging on.  1% isn’t much but it adds up. Even when it’s the same 1% for days and days.

Who’d have thought!

 

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Selective Consciousness

I mentioned that I had a catering business for many years. Quitting several times, but then going back into it. (a form of self flagellation!)
Anyway, after the first time I quit and was thinking of going back into it, I realized that I wanted and needed to come from a spiritual place. You see, from early on, I have been conscious of the fact that I was preparing something that people were going to put into their bodies. That in itself was important knowledge for me.

But when I really thought about coming from a Spiritual Place while doing that, I think it took things up several notches.
My employees knew it. If someone didn’t understand or have the right energy, I wouldn’t hire them. I by no means expected people to follow the same path that I was on, but they had to have some kind of awareness of what I was about. They had to understand on some level about the energy thing.

And my clients got it.
Maybe not consciously, but when they would say something about how good the food was, my reply was often, “There’s a lot of Love in that food!” They would stop for a second and I know that somewhere it registered.

Where I’m going with this is that I tried to be so conscious of coming from a higher place when cooking and feeding people-wanting the energy going into the food and their bodies to be the best that I could possibly provide-to help enhance whatever their event was about.
Upon waking, I would offer up a prayer and ask that my food be blessed.
I chant and listen to mantras while cooking.
I practice this in my own life.
I try for the most part to only eat Organic fruit and veg. don’t eat meat, poultry or pork. Now I’m not saying that I can’t totally enjoy Fish and Chips somewhere, but on the whole I eat healthy and prefer to prepare my own food. Eating at a fast food joint where someone is opening a bunch of cans and couldn’t care less about what they’re doing has no appeal to me.
I really and truly believe in the energy thing.

Except when it came to guzzling gallons of Sauvignon Blanc. For some reason, I never gave a thought to what kind of energy was going into my body .

Or to what it was doing to me on a Soul-u-lar level.

I have a theory- and it’s MY theory and I’m sure many would not agree.
But, here goes-
I believe that much of the mental turmoil experienced from addiction is coming from what I call, a Soul-u-lar level. Meaning that our very core is screaming out against our addiction. That addiction is a way of smothering the Soul.
That is what make us so uncomfortable. The smothering of our Soul- through wine or other substances. Our Soul crying is out to us over and over and over. In the middle of the night because that’s when are at our quietest and we can’t busy ourselves to consciously ignore it.
No matter how spiritual we are, we think we are, we are not-cannot- experiencing our true Self 100% when we have an addiction.
Addiction dulls the energy of the soul. And so, it screams louder and louder to be heard.
Begging us to stop. Causing intense mental anguish and discomfort.
That voice is trying to help us along the road of our own Spiritual Progress.
Begging us to be Conscious.