What’s New?

EVERYTHING!

Everything is new!  Because I drank consistently for so many years, I was pretty much “under the influence” 24/7.  Not that I was drunk 24/7 but it was always on my mind and more importantly, in my mind.  

In that sense, everything I did, every experience that I had, every emotion I felt was tainted by the alcohol in my system and in my psychology.

While getting my hair done the other day, I kind of had a little breakdown. I was telling her about my recent trip to Hong Kong and about how crowded it was and just how much was going on! It was a sensory overload!  As I was telling her, I started to cry!  Totally welled up- totally unexpected.  She put her hands on my shoulders and very softly said, “because it’s all new”.  She knows this because she stopped drinking several years ago. And, she was right.

Every experience is new for me. I am reacting to and feeling very differently about things than I did while drinking.  I almost see myself as some kind of alien embryo- looking at everything with wide eyed awe. I also see myself as some wild-eyed lunatic running and screaming, “I can’t take this, It’s too much”! 

I understand how important it is for me at this point in this new way of being to keep things as even as possible. As peaceful as I can. I’m beginning to see that many things- and people- that may have appealed to me then don’t work for me anymore. They no longer serve me. They no longer feed me. They are no longer comfortable.

So, I  am prepared to live empty for awhile. Learning to pull back or pull out when things aren’t comfortable or feel right for me. Waiting for the right time and the right things to fill me up. To fulfill me. Believing all that I’ve read and heard, “the best is yet to come”.

For The Love of Food

I’m into food.  I LOVE food! I had a catering business due to my love of food. I’m a foodie but not a food snob.  I can appreciate a 5 Star Michelin rated French meal as much as a simple bowl of rice and dal.  This is not just due to the ingredients used but the energy put into the food by the person preparing the food.

I became aware early on of the importance of the Prana- or energy- in food. I mean, its our life source. We can’t live without food.

Food offers nourishment. It offers comfort. We bring food when someone has died and we share our best at potluck suppers with friends.  For many, offering food is a form of devotion. It is a form of love. We have fancy sit down dinner parties and sometimes we eat On the run. When I travel, I do a ton of research on places to eat and have a list. ( you should see what I’ve got for Hong Kong!) I take my own food on the plane. I refuse to eat in a place if the energy isn’t right. The food I prepare can reflect my mood while cooking it.

I believe that in this process of healing from the effects of alcohol food plays an extremely important role. It is so important to eat healthy and to be conscious while eating that we are giving nourishment to ourselves. We are feeding ourselves. This it is one very important part of the process.

I can say that I have had a pretty healthy diet for years. Pretty much the only political types of things I Post or share on FaceBook are about food or the food industry. But even so, with all of the alcohol I was pouring into my body, I could not have been receiving all the nourishment that was in my food. And of course, there was always “eating for absorption “- which really had no more in it than that.

Because I’m around food all the time and can enjoy great food porn conversations, I learned early on to have some discipline around it. Didn’t want to look like the bakers I knew and always pictured licking the icing bowl!  Actually, now that I think about it, I was pretty disciplined I everything except my drinking!

When I decided to really quit I also made a conscious decision that while I would eat as healthy as possible that I wasn’t going to obsess about my weight- or obsessivly workout. That I was just going to focus on not drinking and getting healthy.  That meant a bit of restructuring my meals and mealtimes.  I make sure that I eat breakfast at the same time everyday. I try to eat healthy snacks- a good lunch and dinner. I started eating dinner earlier because once I’d had my dinner the urge to drink had passed.  And hey, some ice cream everyday! Not a whole carton, but as a treat. For the first six weeks or so, I let myself eat too much sugar and had a bit to much caffeine.  But then I tapered both down- wasn’t hard at that point.

So, what I’m offering here is the suggestion to look at food as yet another tool to use in this healing process. To be conscious that you are taking something into your system that is going to give you nourishment.

That feeding yourself is a way to heal yourself.  It’s a way to love yourself.